Ender Wiggin was sitting in his room on one of the bugger planets when he got a call from Earth. The newly colonized planet was Ender’s and Valentine’s third planet to colonize it was named Zocmarb. It was almost like Earth except for instead of grass on the ground there was blue grass called Blugraz. The oceans also had a green tinge and smelt like flowers. But as in all places, Zocmarb, had a very fowl and disturbing something and that was the Larz rocks. They were pink and very pretty from the outside but when picked up they released a terrible odor and bite into their capture and stores their blood. Then in a blink of an eye, the rock would shoot old blood on the victim.
The call that Ender had received was from the president saying that he was going to bring a boxer named Alfred Brooks to Ender’s planet to give the people there some entertainment.
The president then handed the phone to Alfred. “Have you gotten a ring ready Ender?”
“No, I just got news of you coming, I didn’t have time,” said Ender.
“Well I’m looking forward to seeing the universe famous Ender Wiggin, see you later.”
Silence, the phone was hung up. Ender said “Well he must’ve been in a hurry, I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
Ender let out a long sigh; he hadn’t talked to anyone on Earth for over 50 Earth years.
Just as Ender was about to leave Valentine came running in yelling “Alfred is here, Alfred is here.”
Ender was very confused so he went outside to see how in the universe Alfred Brooks was able to get to his planet in less than 30 minutes; it usually takes 2 years on a shuttle.
When Ender got outside he saw a small space ship. Alfred walked out of the speeder with a swagger or a drunken walk (probably from the voyage) and came up to Ender and asked “Like my ride?”
Ender, clueless asked “What is it?”
“Well it’s a new space ship patented by Mazer Rackham called the SpaceSpeeder SSpeeder for short,” answered Alfred.
“Oh, well uh I guess we should start building that boxing ring,” sputtered Ender.
“Oh no, no, no.”
“Huh?”
“Well you see I don’t box anymore I just couldn’t stand watching the opponent go down it feels terrible.”
“I know how you feel,” consoled Ender.
“How so?”
“Well back in Battle school and on Earth I beat up some guys really bad.”
“Ah, but they lived didn’t they?”
“No, I learned that I had killed them, when I fought I fought so that I would hurt them so badly that they wouldn’t want to even try and beat me again.”
“You would have been a good boxer, you have such a killer’s instinct”
“Yeah, but I don’t like to fight, just like you Alfred, so Alfred what did you come to this planet for?”
“Oh, I came to teach boxing and provide an athletic program for your community.”
“I think that’s just what we need, just between you and me the people are getting a bit obese now that we can create a surplus of food.”
“Great all we need to do now is build a gym.”
“Let’s get to it.”
The building of the gym started off a little rocky because of Ender and Alfred’s differences in opinion. Alfred wanted to make the boxing ring on the third floor just like in Brooklyn. Ender on the other hand, felt that the stairs might be to dangerous for the obese people. In the end they agreed to make an elevator and make the stairs optional.
The next step was to get some teachers or trainers. Ender and Alfred worked together and found 3 retired basketball players to be coaches and 2 retired soccer players and so on and so forth until they had a couple of coaches for each sport (Including badminton). Three weeks later the facility was bustling with activities and a new game. The Game was the same as Ender had played in battle school and children developed a love for it as like any other sport.
Ender walked outside on his way home and found Alfred sitting on the bench outside. “Hey Ender” said Alfred.
“Hey Alfred” said Ender
“I can’t believe the progress this community has made there’s not a single obese person in the colony.”
“Then I guess its time to go and help colonize another bugger planet.”
“Our paths will probably never meet again Alfred.”
“I know, how are you planning to get to that planet before the mother ship.”
Ender sat for a second and then said “your space speeder.”
“No!” Exclaimed Alfred, “It’s mine.”
“I’ll fight you for it.”
“No thanks you can take it, I’m not getting in your way.”
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I thought that this story was very interesting. When I first started reading this story, I thought it would be about space missions. I was surprised to find out that in the end, the story was more about giving a community excitement and keeping its people fit. I remember Nate discussing Alfred flying to Zocmarb in 30 minutes in the sspeeder and ender being shocked at this. Yet, this shows the strong characteristics of Alfred as he was as a boxer. He had the drive to get the communtiy in shape.
I would say that the conversations between Ender and Alfred are authentic. I can tell they have some sort of relationship. Ender chose a good partner to help with the entertainment of the community. Nate used good conversation between the characters. I like in the end when Alfred says, "I'll fight you for it," and Ender says, "No thanks, you can take it." This shows the boxer in Alfred.
My favorite part is when Alfred admits that he doesn't box anymore. I never got into watching boxing on TV myself. It's hard to watch men bang each other in the head. The quote that agrees with my opinion is when Alfred tells about his not boxing anymore: "Well you see, I don't box anymore. I just couldn't stand seeing the opponent go down. It feels terrible."
There were a few minor distractions with this essay. In one sentence, he writes in past tense and present tense. This is a bit confusing to follow. In the second sentence, I would separate it with a period. It would help to say who is speaking after the quotes. It was a bit confusing to tell who was who, and who was talking. Overall, Nat did a nice job with the essay.
Nate should continue doing what he is doing, but explain the characters more to the reader. Next time, I would tell how Ender found out about Alfred in the first place. What do you think would happen if you started the essay the way the Star Wars movie starts...In a galaxy far, far away?
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