Sunday, September 7, 2008

Gemma's Secret by Alicia C

Rebecca got out of the car at Linn’s house in Fort Oswega and was greeted by Linn, Stan’s friend. They had a long car ride they had just been on so Linn brought them into the house to talk and get to know each other. Rebecca carried the large box of Gemma’s into the living room, when a large group of people walked into Linn’s house. Linn introduced them to Rebecca and Stan then they gathered to talk about what Rebecca had been looking for. Linn explained that these people had all known a lot about the camps and could maybe help her with some information on Gemma. “Thank you for coming I sure hope that you can help. I am trying to find out where my grandmother was originally from. I have these pictures that were in her box we found, but I’m not sure where she was when they were taken.” Rebecca said.
The pictures were passed around the room and none of the people really recognized the photos, except for Daisy, a small women who had been very quiet since the time she walked through the front door. “Where did you get these pictures?” Daisy gasped.

“Well I found them in my grandmother’s box. There was a ring and pictures inside of the box but I need to find out where she was when the pictures were taken. Do you recognize this picture?” asked Rebecca

“I’m in this picture. I remember this day very much actually. It was the last day” Said Daisy.

“Last day of what?” questioned Rebecca.

“Last day with them before I left.” said Daisy

Then Daisy got up from the living room and walked away. Rebecca was shocked that she didn’t have anything else to say but then one of the other woman in the room told her not worry, she would be back eventually. Rebecca finished passing around the rest of the pictures and items in the box but no one was a help except for Daisy, who as the women had said, eventually did come back into the room. Daisy sat next to Rebecca and began telling her all about the picture.

“Your grandmother, Gemma I think you called her, she was in a large group of people with me. We were together for a while until my father took me back to America. I’m not really sure if I can help with where your grandmother came from because I wasn’t with her from the beginning. My father sent me to England to live with my cousins but we had to escape when a war began. My cousin Piper and I were forced to leave everyone else behind and that’s when I met your grandmother. Once she reached the camp Piper and I headed back home without entering the camp unlike your grandmother who did go in.” said Daisy.

Shocked to hear so much information at one time Rebecca paused and thought about what Daisy had said for quite some time. Not knowing if Daisy’s story had been much of a help she just let Daisy continue. After naming everyone else in the picture and describing a little about each person Rebecca found out Gemma had been pregnant, with her own mother. She had been shocked at this news but decided to ask Daisy about the rest of her story because she knew she could think while Daisy talked.

“Well Piper and I ended up staying with Major McEvoy and his wife. And we tried very hard to figure out where the rest of my cousins had been sent. We were taken away by English soldiers and when our camp was found by terrorists we had to leave again. Eventually we found our way home but when we got there, it was not what we had expected and not what we had wanted to see. We had some food left from the barn, but it wasn’t very much. I was in the house when my father called and I was sent back home to America while Piper was left in someone else’s care.”

“Wow that must have been tuff. If only I could figure out why my grandmother had been brought to the camp, and where she had lived before the camp.” sighed Rebecca.

“Your grandmother never talked about that much but I vaguely remember her talking about being a princess.” said Daisy.

“That is a help. I found out that her name in Polish means Princess which makes me assume she was originally from Poland.”

“Yes that would be a good guess but I’m sorry I can’t help with that.” said Daisy.

Daisy’s journey had been just as interesting as Rebecca had imagined Gemma’s would be once she put the missing pieces back into the puzzle but she had still been so curious about Gemma. Knowing Daisy couldn’t help with much more she thanked her and the rest of the people and they slowly left Linn’s house and went home.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alicia C-
I enjoyed reading your story. I can just picture Becca's face lighting up when she got some information. This made me think about which two books you combined. I didn't read the one I think it is so I’m not sure.

The conversation was good in your story. When you put in descriptions about them it really made them seem real. I got a good idea of the characters. I feel that if i didn't read the book though, i wouldn't have known them that well.

My favorite part of the story was when this line came up " “That is a help. I found out that her name in Polish means Princess which makes me assume she was originally from Poland.”" It stood out to me because that was a very good detail in Briar Rose that I remember clearly.

I think you could have had a different ending or changed it to be a little more interesting like on what Becca was going to do now that she didn't get all the information that she needed.

For advice i would say try using maybe more scenery in the story. Ex; not just staying at Lin's house the whole time. Maybe going somewhere else too?

Anonymous said...

Alicia C.,

I feel really good after reading this story. What I remember most about this story was when Daisy walked out of the room when she saw the picture of Gemma. This story made me think about the scenes in Briar Rose, but it also made me think of heritage and how important it was to Rebecca to find out about her heritage.

Yes I think that the conversation seemed authentic. The things that made the character seem natural was the detail she put into the characters and how she worded the dialogue as if two real people were talking.

“Daisy’s journey had been just as interesting as Rebecca had imagined Gemma’s would be once she put the missing pieces back into the puzzle but she had still been so curious about Gemma.”
I like this part because it leaves things unsaid but it also gives finalization to the information Rebecca got from Daisy. I think this ending leaves you wanting more which is good in some cases. I think the way that she said that “she put the missing pieces back into the puzzle” is a creative way to say that she had figured it out.

The one thing that I find problematic is that the setting isn’t described enough. I think that if there was more description in the setting, that I, at least, would be able to get a better picture in my mind.

Next time I would suggest more setting description. Otherwise the story was absolutely wonderful! I loved the way you worded most things! It was really creative!

Mia S.

Anonymous said...

Alicia,
I really enjoyed reading your story. I could really picture this story well in my mind. Some images i saw were them sitting in the room looking into the box at all the items she had found from her. This story made me want to read on and see if they actually new who gemma was.
I think you did a really good job writing the conversation between the two main characters. i think them looking at the pictures in the box, and having gemma be the only one go to the camp really interesting.
My favorite line in the story would have to be “Well I found them in my grandmother’s box. There was a ring and pictures inside of the box but I need to find out where she was when the pictures were taken. Do you recognize this picture?” asked Rebecca. This would be my favorite because i could all picture them passing around the picture trying to see if they reconize gemma in it.
Your essay was very well written but i think you could improve on the setting. I really only picture one setting and that was at Ft Oswega. I think you could have expanded on the camp she was at, or even when she was in England.
I would consider your setting getting changed, and not just being at one place. Other than that i really enjoyed reading your essay and you did a wonderful job. BRAVO!