Once Rebecca Berlin’s grandmother died her mother and father thought it would be best for her and her two sisters to move on somewhere else. It wasn’t Becca’s first idea to move but she trusted her parents and if they thought it was best she was up to try it.
Three days later, as Becca woke up; she went down stairs as she normally would. As she always tried to sneak down the stairs without the creaky noises. She suddenly was astonished because she heard a little voice yelling for help. This was the first time while living at her new house in Daly City, outside of San Francisco, that she had heard this. Something wasn’t right she thought, so she stumbled out the door still thinking of the yelling. As she opened the door everything looked normal. Becca thought she heard the yell coming from across the street. Just to make sure everything was alright she decided to cautiously approach the older looking house. She hadn’t met any neighbors yet because she was still unpacking and thinking about the passing of Gemma, her grandma.
Becca knocked on the door and a lady pulled open the door very fast and rough.
A little startled Becca managed to say, “My names Becca and I live across the street. Is everything ok?”
The lady stood there and crossed her arms across her chest blocking the door way and said, “Hello dear I’m Catherine but please call me Mrs. Pelzer. Everything is fine. Are you new in town?”
“Oh yes,” explained Becca, “we moved in 3 days ago.”
“Very good, would you be interested in babysitting if I ever left?” said Mrs. Pelzer.
“I would be happy to,” Becca said.
“ Great! You can come over tomorrow to meet the 5 children” She said happily.
“Sounds great ill see you then” said Becca.
Becca was still concerned about the yell but Mrs. Pelzer seemed like your average mother. Once she got home she told her mom and dad about what happened. They were glad to hear that she found a job. After getting ready Becca decided to take a walk to the in town diner. She sat down at a booth and ordered a meal. After placing her order an older person came over and sat down with her.
He said “Hi I’m Josef I live in town.”
“My names Becca,” she said.
“Did you just move here? How old are you?” Josef asked.
“Yes I just moved here from Massachusetts, the Holyoke area, and I am 23.” Becca answered.
“Why did you move?” asked Josef.
“Well my parents thought it would be best for me after Gemma died.” Becca said.
“I’m sorry to hear but if you don’t mind me asking who is Gemma?” said Josef.
“Gemma, oh she was my grandmother. She had many names like Gitl or Ksiesniczki. That means princess in…” Becca was suddenly cut off.
“What? How could? That was your gandma?!” Josef stammered.
“Yes we were very close. She is known for her story of Briar...” Becca tried again.
“Yes yes Briar Rose!” Josef said ecstatically.
“Why do you know all this?” Becca was starting to get the chills.
“Didn’t she tell you? I was the one that brought her back to life. I saved her!” Said Josef.
“Wow this is a lot to take in! Gemma told me that she was briar rose and I promised her I would put all the pieces together. You seem like you could tell me the whole story. That would make my family so thankful for all of this. Nobody believed her about Briar Rose. My sisters thought it was just a story.” Becca speedily blabbed.
“Yes I could tell you all about her but I’m running late today and have to get to an appointment. Today is Monday, want to meet back here on Wednesday and we will talk more?” He said.
“Of course!” Becca said.
On her say home all Becca thought about how ironic meeting Josef there was. She was very excited to give her family the news and learn about her family’s history!
Her family couldn’t believe her. They asked over and over again are you sure? Becca explained every detail she remembered to them and by the time they settled down they went out to dinner and took a ride around town.
Once arriving home Becca was very tired and decided to venture off to bed.
Becca woke up at 9 o’clock sharp. She had breakfast and got ready because she was about to meet the five Pelzer kids today.
The house was a good sized house but a little old which fit in with the others around it. Mrs. Pelzer introduced her to all the kids and told her she would be back in about an hour.
The kids were great together and played many games. Becca watched them while they were having fun. She noticed on boy, his name was David, sitting down watching.
Becca approached David. She noticed that he looked beat up with bruises and cuts everywhere.
Becca said, “What are all those from and don’t you want to play with the other kids?”
As tears came to his eyes he said, “I’m not allowed to and there from my mom.”
At that time Becca’s stomach started to turn. Pictures started going through her mind and the scream came back to her. Becca knew she had to do something for this little child. He was only 12 and his mother treated him like this?
Becca talked to David trying not to pay any attention to the way he looked or how he was dressed. She felt terrible and the stories he was telling her were making her feel terrible, even scared. He told her that she can’t ever say anything about it to his mother or she will do even worse things. Although she did convince Dave to tell his teachers and tell the nurse the real reasons of how he got the bruises and cuts.
Just then Mrs. Pelzer arrived and Becca quickly left trying not to talk too much to Dave’s mother.
The next day at school Dave went right to the nurses’ office and broke down crying. He told her everything. He told her about regular beatings, living in the garage, the gas chambers, and his mom starving him. She was stunned and took everything seriously. She contacted the Police and they immediately took action. From that day on Dave was finally in good hands.
All in all, both people got what they needed. Becca found out all about her Grandmother and Dave was rescued. It was a happy ending for both of them!
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2 comments:
Nicole L-
I really enjoyed this story. I could only imagine all the feelings that Becca was going through finding out all about Gemma and then David. The story
really made me think about how some kids are treated by there parents and how many of them are scared to tell anyone.
The conversation between both Becca and Josef and Becca and David seemed very authentic. The one between Josef and Becca was a more mature conversation because they are both adults and the conversation between Becca and David was made differently because of David's age. The dialogue was very believable and seemed as though it could have actually been real.
“What? How could? That was your grandma?!” Josef stammered. This line really stood out to me. It left me wondering why Josef had been so shocked and what he had known about Gemma. After reading it I was hoping he would spill the story and Becca would find out all that she needed to.
I found that this story was not hard to understand at all. It was very clear and I could easily understand what was going on. The only thing i would change would be to continue the story until Becca and Josef meet up again so that the reader could know more about Gemma's story and how Josef had brought Gemma "back to life” and "saved" her.
In the future writing assignments, maybe you could try to go in detail a little bit more to make it easier to understand. Other then that I think you did a great job of combining these two storys and making it all fit in nicely
Nicole,
Throughout the story, I liked how you changed some of the book settings around from the books you read, but still included the plot from each one. I was also impressed that you had three characters meet from two books at different times. Your essay actually helped me remember some of the smaller details of the book "A Child Called It" that I read last year in school. I still even have the pictures in my head from your explaining of the setting and I think you did a great job.
The conversation between the two characters really did feel authentic just with the way you had them interact with each other. I also liked the way you used grammar to help understand the people moods and the way they are saying things. “What? How could? That was your grandma?!” Josef stammered.” This sentence especially showed to me how Josef was feeling.
“At that time Becca’s stomach started to turn. Pictures started going through her mind and the scream came back to her.” These two sentences really stood out to me because I could almost picture this flashback happening in Becca’s mind. I think that usually, using flashbacks in stories can really help add to it and in this case, it did. A flashback kind of takes away from the dialogue for a second to give details about what is going on inside of the characters head.
Nothing actually “bothered" me in this essay, but if anything, I think the story could be improved by explaining more about Josef, and more from both sides of stories. I didn’t know what age Josef was or what kind of person he was. I also would have like to have known more about what happened with Josef in general when Daisy and him spoke together of him “saving” her Gemma.
In the future, the only advice I have, would be to show more from both sides of the story, to be able to understand more about what was happening with those characters. Overall, I think you did a great job of writing this essay, and having these new characters interact with each other.
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