“Ender now this is your final exam.”
“You did it you just won the war!”
“I killed billions of living things… I’m a murderer!”
“You killed us Ender, you killed us….murderer.’
“Ender, Ender, wake-up. The new arrival is here,”said Valentine.
Ender awoke in a deep sweat.
“Another nightmare?” questioned Valentine.
Ender just sat there, motionless. Then he sparked the idea Val was saying. The Shuttle! Here on planet Eros it takes many years to fly from Earth. In Earth years it’s longer.
“Ender, hurry the shuttle is landing soon!” Val shouted in excitement.
We don’t really get to many shuttles. This is actually the second ship to arrive here on Eros.
Ender and Val arrived at the landing port just as the new pioneers exited their temporary home for the last couple years. Ender closely inspected the pioneers. There were many adults. Could there not have been a single child in the whole crew? Then Ender saw him. He was a teenage boy, looked to be around 14.
“Hi, I’m Ender.” Ender said.
“Hi, I’m Alfred Brooks.” he said.
“Where are you from?” Ender said.
“
“Why did you travel all the way here to Eros alone?” Ender said.
“Its personal... well I use to be a boxer, but then my trainer said that I didn’t have the killer instinct.” Alfred said.
“I know that feeling way to well...” Ender murmured.
“What does that mean?” asked Alfred.
“Well, I’m Ender Wiggin.” Ender said expecting a big commotion.
“Ok, I’m Alfred.”
“You know Ender... Ender Wiggin... The best general of all time... nothing?” Ender asked.
“Nope.” Alfred answered.
“When did you leave Earth?” Ender asked
“1956, why? Alfred questioned.
“Why did it take you so long?” Ender asked appalled.
“Well my shuttle was an exploration. Later we found out you discovered this planet and so we came here.” Alfred said.
Ender invited Alfred to stay with him and Val before the new pioneers leave tomorrow for there new village. Alfred and Ender had a great time telling stories about their times on Earth.
“So Alfred, what do you want for dinner? We have vegetable and either artificial beef or chicken?” Ender asked.
“Well, my old trainer would say, to be a contender, I can’t eat that. But, how about the artificial beef!” Alfred said.
“My favorite.” Ender said sarcastically. “So Alfred, do you have any friends you left on earth?” Ender asked.
“Yes, I had a best friend named James... but I left him very ill at the hospital.” Alfred said very quietly. “You?”
“Yup, almost my whole life I’ve been trained to be who I am, the best general of all time. I was pushed so hard. I was exiled from everyone, well they tried anyways. I made a group of friend that helped me in my time of need, when I commanded the war. The weird thing is that I thought it was a game. I thought it was just a stupid game... no, but it was real and I killed billions.” Ender said.
“Wow that is rough.” Alfred said.
“Well, it’s around time you guys go to sleep.” said Val.
In the morning Alfred and Ender said good bye and Alfred left with the other pioneers to their new life.
2 comments:
I feel confused after reading The Shuttle. I don't get why Alfred left Earth. I remember Ender saying that he thought he was playing a game, but it was real and he killed a lot of people. I guess this story made me think that dreams could become reality.
The conversation between the characters was good. Ender seemed authentic when he said that he felt sad for killing all the people. Alfred seemed authentic when he said that he could never eat processed food only real things while he was training.
My favorite quote was “So Alfred, what do you want for dinner? We have vegetable and either artificial beef or chicken?” Ender asked, because after this, ender sounded jealous about alfred eating deliciuos foods. It also sounded as though alfred missed prossesed food and that the two might switch lives.
There were a few problems in this story. He used a lot of boring words, and none were really "juicy". Sometimes he forgot to end quotes.
Next time try to make it less confusing. Try to choose better words to make the story interesting. Consider ending quotes.
Casey,
When I read this story I was impressed by the entry with Ender’s dream. One image that lasted in my mind was the three of them eating at a table with the artificial beef; I also wondered why they hadn’t shipped cows there for beef already. The story made me think about my own story because Alfred came to a bugger planet to meet with Ender in mine.
The conversation did actually feel pretty authentic. The way Ender was surprised that Alfred didn’t know him was very realistic. Enders disbelief was one think that made him seam real. I don’t think Ender would have acted like he did in the story though, I don’t think Ender would have been baffled that he didn’t know him for two reasons. The first reason is that Ender is smart and he probably would have figured out by Alfred is dressed that he was from the past. The second reason is that I don’t believe Ender went around telling every one “hey have you heard of me the great war general Ender Wiggin,” I personally believe that Ender Wiggin is a bit more modest.
My favorite part of the story was when Alfred picked the artificial beef. In the story after Alfred picked the beef Ender said sarcastically “My favorite.” This part of the story stood out to me because Alfred was excited about picking the beef but Ender wasn’t overly enthusiastic about it.
One thing I found in the Essay that was distracting was when Ender said “I made a group of friend.” It made me wonder how well you checked it. It has happened to me before because sometimes Word won’t correct something like that, plus it was only one letter.
I would consider for your next assignment to check your work or read it over to yourself and see the parts where you messed up. I sometimes have someone else check it besides myself. I would also consider adding more detail about the appearance of characters. I also have trouble with description. I am excited to hear the next story and I hope my information has helped you.
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