Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Story Untold by Chelsea G

One bright and sunny day in Holyoke, Massachusetts Rebecca Berlin was walking to work with her Gemma’s box in hand. Her Gemma had died a few days before and her dying wish to Becca was that she learns that her Gemma was the princess in the story that she told her. That story was Briar Rose. Becca’s Gemma had told her this story since she was very little and her and her two older sisters Shana and Sylvia could recite the story word for word. Becca loved that story and she also loved her Gemma more than any on e person could. She found this box after Gemma had died in the drawer at the nursing home that she kept a secret. On the cover of the box were the words Briar Rose written below a beautiful flower which was carved flawlessly into the wood. It was very heavy and contained information that would take Becca on a wild adventure unlocking her Gemma’s past. As she was walking along the road to her job at the newspaper she saw a small boy covered in cuts and bruises taking out the trash. She walked over to the boy and said, “Excuse me young man may I have a word?”

“Yes,” the single word came out of the frail boy’s mouth as a horse whisper.

“What is your name?” she asked looking down at the small boy with worry in her eyes.

“I … I do not have a name miss,” said the boy looking up at her with fear.

Becca took her stare off the boy for a moment to look up at the small white house behind him. It was big enough for a small family and Becca was sure hers would not fit. She looked back at the boy to see him turning away as if rejected by her. “Wait, where are you going?” she said touching his shoulder willing for him to turn around.

The boy turned to look at her once again and said, “My mother does not like me to talk to strangers. I must go before she finds me out here and hits me again. Please miss just go.” With that he turned around and started walking.

“Please don’t go I wish to meet your mother and father. Please take me to them.” She said without thinking.

The boy shrugged and took her hand and led her into the small house. When she walked in she saw two boys running after each other and laughing at the boy. She looked down at him and said, “Why don’t you play with them?”

The boy looked at her with what looked like a small smile. “You see Miss, I must clean up after them, my mother and father and my brothers. They make the mess and my job from mother is to clean it up. My mother will be in here on the couch.”

At that moment they walk into a tiny living room with a small TV placed on a coffee table. The mother is laying on the couch and a bottle of alcohol in her hand. As soon as she sees the little boy she makes a face of disgust. “What are you doing in here?” she said straight at him.

“There is a nice lady that wanted to talk to you. I was just showing her the way to the living room so you could have a nice chat with her.” Then the boy turned and left.

Becca sat down on the opposite side of the couch from the woman and with a smile said, “Hello my name is Rebecca Berlin. I just met your son out front and I would like to talk to you about him for a minute.”
The woman looked at Rebecca with an evil stare. She was tall and thin though she smelled of alcohol. She then said, “Yes what would you like to say about him?”

Becca looked at the small living room and noticed how clean it really was. Then she regarded the couch and gagged it was a small old thing and it was ripped and torn and looked as though it were overstuffed. She looked back up at the woman in time to see her take a swig of the alcoholic substance resting in her hand. “Well you see miss I just thought it strange that a boy who was taking out the trash has so many cuts and bruises. It just worries me a bit. Um where’s your husband I would like to talk to him about this too.”

“Oh he falls a lot he has a bedroom that is up the stairs and that boy is always falling down them. He’s such a clumsy little thing.” Said the woman with a frown that Becca can tell is fake.

With a sigh Becca says to the woman, “I don’t think he does fall a lot I think there’s a little more to the story then your letting on. He regards people with such fear and doesn’t seem to be able to connect to people either. Does he go to school? Does he even eat look at that poor child he looks as if he is starved!”

“Excuse me! I do not think that you have any place in telling me what you think is going on here! I am his mother and I know what’s best for him! He is not going to school he doesn’t need it, and for connecting with the rest of humanity that is his choice. I want you to leave my house and I don’t want you to bother my family anymore!! I expect you know where the door is so you can let yourself out!” and with that the woman looked back toward the TV ignoring Becca’s presence altogether.

Becca got up off the couch and headed for the front door. On the way she passed the bathroom and saw the small boy scrubbing the toilet with a tooth brush. “Little e boy I think I know what’s going on here and I’d like to help. I will do what’s necessary to get you out of here!” She said. Then for the first time the boy actually smiled, but it must have hurt him because a moment later the smile was quickly wiped from his face. Then he went back to scrubbing.

She walked out of the house and the rest of the way to the newspaper but the whole way she couldn’t get the sight of the little boy out of her mind. She was determined to get him out even more so then she was in finding the truth to her Gemma’s past. Becca walked into her office in the newspaper and went straight to work to find out information on how she could help the boy. Then shortly after she opened the phone book her boss Stan walked in and saw her.

“Aren’t you taking the week off?” He said.

“Uh I am but I had to get out of my house and work on a story that I think will really benefit us and I think all of you will be excited to read it!” Becca said.

Then Becca found a way to save the boy and then proceeded to find out her Gemma’s past. She was very excited that she got to adopt the boy and take him with her on her adventures in Poland. Then she got to find out about the truth of the boys bruises and cuts and horrible beatings. The boy was glad to know that now he was out of harms way.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Hey Chelsea! Great essay! I really liked it! A Child Called It always leaves me pretty disturbed, and I think your story set the same mood as in the book. I thought that was great! Also, I liked how the part where Becca meets David's mother and asks about David's home life. After that whole situation, the whole event really sticks with you, so that's a plus! :) It really showed what child abuse is like; it's harsh with lies and stories thrown into it.

I loved the conversations that happened between Becca and David and his mother. I didn't read Briar Rose, so I don't really know what Becca is like, but I got an idea from the essay. She seems to always want to help people, and she seems that she wants to get awareness out into the world about different things, while she tries to figure them out herself. The only thing is when David let Becca into the house, I would have figured that Becca would have begged a little bit ton come into the house, and that David wouldn't let her in. I think David should have been a little more resistant before he let Becca into the house.

One part I really loved happened during the Becca-mother conversation. When Becca was looking around the room and kind-of putting the piece of the puzzle together, noticing the clean living room, the wore couch with the alcoholic mother lying on top of it, it was very descriptive, and I think that people who didn’t read A Child Called It would know what the settings and the characters were like in the story. This line right here was amazing! :)
“The boy turned to look at her once again and said, “My mother does not like me to talk to strangers. I must go before she finds me out here and hits me again. Please miss just go.”
That just melted my heart! It’s so depressing, but at the same time so important to hear.

I thought the essay was pretty good altogether. I think that you probably could have made the dialog a little longer, and included more at the end of the story! All of the sudden-Becca adopted David and then there they were off to Poland! (lol) It all happened very fast, and I think if you would have added parts about that, the story would have been awesome! I also noticed, there were like no commas! (lol) Just throw a few in there here and there, and you’ll be all set!

Good Job Chelsea!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading your essay. I read both Briar Rose and A Child Called “It” and you describe both characters very well. I could picture in my mind David and his cut up arms as well as the bruises. You also described the setting really well; I pictured the living room in my mind and the description of Gemma’s Briar Rose box really well, also. It made me think back to reading Briar Rose and how much that box meant to both Gemma and Becca.

I thought the conversation did seem authentic especially when Becca was talking with Dave’s mother. The mother came up with excuses for David’s bruises and cuts, and that is exactly what she did in the book. Maybe Dave’s mother would have acted nicer to Becca because the mom acted very nice in front of other people, but all in all, it was really good dialogue. The dialogue between Becca and David as he was scrubbing the bathroom made me smile as well to know he was going to be rescued.

My favorite part of the story was where Becca had finished talking to Dave’s mother and she goes by the bathroom and says, “Little boy I think I know what’s going on here and I’d like to help. I will do what’s necessary to get you out of here!” It seemed very genuine. I knew that she was going to find a way to help David.

This was a great story but one thing I found distracting was there was some minor run-on sentences and a few typos. Maybe you could have added more dialogue. Maybe you could have added it in the section before Becca and David entered the house. I still really enjoyed reading!

At the end it seems to conclude a bit abruptly where she adopts him and she didn’t really even know David yet. Maybe next you could not end it so fast or not have such a dramatic ending happen so quickly. All in all you did a great job. I give it two thumbs up!!!